Tome? No man, Tofu!

First, I would like to say, "Hallo," to my reader from the Netherlands.  "Was het de Tiger Penis?"

Back to attack ya'll.  This one requires even more tofu.  And yes, there were sighs and shuttered eyes of disgust. But I can say it is some good business. It also requires overnight marination.  Why would I put myself through this madness?  Because it looked so nice in the picture.  I have never been one for presentation, but It doesn't hurt to make an effort.

Also, this recipe uses Bok Choy--one of the more expensive vegetables I could get a hold of.  And I wish I could take a picture of the smell from the carrot-ginger sauce--you'll find out.

What You Need:

20-24 oz. firm Tofu
1/2 C Orange Juice
1 Tbsp. brown Sugar
1 Tbsp. Soy sauce
2 Tbsp. cilantro, chopped
2 cloves Garlic, crush
1 tsp. grated ginger
2-3 Tbsp. Olive Oil
2 lb. baby bok choy

Carrot and Ginger Sauce:
10 oz. carrot
2 tsp. grated ginger
2/3 C orange juice
1/2 C vegetable stock


Tofu with Carrot and Ginger Sauce

Drain Tofu, then slice block into 1 by 3 rectangles.

Place in glass dish.

Mix juice, soy sauce, cilantro, garlic and ginger in a container and pour over Tofu.  Cover and refrigerate overnite.

The next day . . .

Remove Tofu.

*Keep marinade.

Heat oil in large frying pan and fry 2-4 minutes, every side.

Meanwhile . . .

Heat a wok.  Add bok choy and 1 Tbsp. water.  Cook, covered 2-4 minutes.


And . . .

Place all ingredients for sauce in pan and bring to a boil.  Then reduce and simmer, covered for 5-7 minutes until carrots are tender.  Transfer to a food processor and blend into a lovely sauce.

*  You can see the lovely presentation.  This meal works when all three elements (sauce, choy and tofu) are eaten in the same bite.  Bok choy is a little tough, so use a fork to cut it.  ---Out.

Total Time:  30 minutes plus marination
Music:  Yo la Tengo
Drink:  Pinot

And The Living's Easy

The audience for this one is myself 10 years ago.  So allow me to share this bit with him.

First: I'm glad you finally got your hair figured out.  It looks good.  Lets work on the way you dress next.  Go ahead and spend that extra time and dollar searching for something nice--it's worth it.  Hey, that's a nice jazz collection you have going. You should really learn how to cook and make drinks--it's kind of classy.  Oh yeah, go ahead and start eating meat again, the vegetarian thing will be over next Thanksgiving.

 *Although I have nothing against it, and even find the occasional martini lunch slightly more romantic than depressing, I am not a proponent of mid-week drinking.  The truth is this recipe was supposed to be my Thursday widow-- something nice for the weekend.  But last night we steamed some carrots and broccoli, slapped some Gates on a Chicken and grilled it.  Delicious, but hardly anything to write about.

What you Need:

3 C Strawberries
Dry White Wine
Cointreau, 1/4 - 1/2 C
Mineral Water

 Strawberry White-wine Spritzer

 Blend Strawberries and Cointreau until smooth.

*I used frozen strawberries which took a bit of finesse and was loud.  I suggest making this part ahead of time.


Add a little ice to wine glass and combine:

2 Tbsp. strawberry
1/3 C wine
1/2 C mineral water



This drink is perfect for summer.  It screams it. I was pretty damn liberal with the Cointreau.

Total Time: 10 minutes
Music:  T-Rex

The $4,600 Taco

When I first went to College one credit hour cost $33.  It would be unfair to not give a little perspective so I should add that minimum wage was only $4.25.  Now the lowly burger-flipping or pizza-oven burnt victim's minimum wage is $8.00 and one credit hour costs $500.00.  I punched these numbers into my super computer and, after refining it for the escalating price of home mortgages and the Middle East Spring, my computer spit out the following calculation:  That's crazy, man.

Anyway, the University season is upon us.  Time to get out the pens and paper.

I was never a fan of fish tacos.  I think it exposed some murky bigotism on my part, in that, when ever I pictured a fish taco I saw fish heads complete with jelly eyes and wiry whiskers.  Well, I'm over it now and let my say this is a guaranteed recipe.  Enjoy.

What You Need:

1 lb. Yellowfin tuna fillet (about 3/4" thick)
8  Tortillas (6")
1 Avocado, peeled and sliced into quarters.
1/2 C Red Onion, sliced.
1/4 Cilantro leaves, chopped.
Jalapeno slices
Lime juice
Cooking Spray

Seasoning:
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
1/2 tsp. sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
3/4 + 1/8 tsp. chili powder

Yellowfin Tuna Tacos

photos by DMG

Combine seasoning in bowl and sprinkle evenly over tuna.
Heat a pan over high heat and add cooking spray.
Cook fish, 2-4 minutes each side.

*You may need to slice tuna if fillet is too thick.
Warm tortillas.
Slice fish into chunks and divide amongst tortillas.
Top with 2 Tbsp. Avocado, 1 Tbsp Onion, Cilantro, Jalapeno slices and sprinkle with Lime juice.


Total Time:  25 minutes
Netflix: Trublood
Drink: Aqua, con libre

Tiger Penis

First, I'd like to say "Hola! Como esta Usted?" to my viewer from Spain.  Allow me to use the rare vosotros--"Vosotros cocinais?"

This is another guaranteed recipe.  It is for everyone who who has had a bad relationship with beets.  I've cooked this for many a hater and it has always won them over with is dark sangrian hue and firm texture.  Trust me on this one-- it is awesome.

A little history on the beet.  It is older than Jesus and its juice has been considered an aphrodisiac.  Which, per a dinner conversation with a lovely guest last night, I would prefer over tiger penis and oysters every day of the week.


What you Need:

Four bulbs, Beets with leaves
1/2 lb. Green beans, *must be fresh
3 1/2 oz Goats Cheese

Dressing:

2 Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 clove Garlic, minced
2 Tbsp. Capers, chopped
1 Tbsp. red wine vinegar
1/2 tsp. salt and pepper

* You're probably noticing the turkey, cheddar and dough.  Ignore it--it's for another day.




Fresh Beetroot and Goat's Cheese Salad

To prepare Beets:
Boil water in a large pan.
Trim off leaves and wash.
Scrub and remove outer skin from beets
until clean.
Simmer bulbs, covered, for 30 minutes.
(tender when pierced with a fork)


Meanwhile . . .

Bring another saucepan of water to a boil.
Make a ice-water bath in a large bowl or sink.
Boil Beans 3 minutes, then toss into ice-bath.
Drain well.
Then boil leaves 3-5 minutes and repeat bath.

To make dressing:
Put all ingredients in screw top jar and shake.

To serve, divide ingredients amongst plates or in a bowl and crumble goat cheese over top.

*  Don't you dare use frozen beans.      Rico! Rico!

Total time: 45 minutes
Music:  Iron and wine with Calexico
Drink:  Wine, red

You say Tomato, I say Shut the Hell Up

The ruby siege continues.   The plant that bears adult fruit signals the begin and end of warm days.  This year is three-quarters gone and what have we done, but eat tomatoes until our tongues are sore?

I don't know if you ever tried to can tomatoes before.  Without the proper tools, the process involves boiling water, burnt fingers; the kind of anger summoned when coffee is too hot.  I don't can anymore so I look for recipes which will make a dent in my growing stores of The prettiest and most salacious daughter of the nightshade family.  Salsa is actually very easy to make and I had all the ingredients all ready.  We made a meal of it by throwing it on some chips, cheese and seasoned meat.

What you Need:

4 C tomatoes, chopped
6 banana peppers, chopped
(about 1/2 inch pieces)
1-3 Jalapeno, chopped
1 cup onion, chopped
1 green and 1 red pepper, chopped
4 garlic cloves, minced
1/2 C tomato sauce
1/2 C Cilantro
1 tsp. red wine vinegar
1/4 C lime juice, no more

Seasonings:
1/4 tsp. paprika
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. cumin                * I've added Jalapenos because it came out too sweet for my tastes.
1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

Garden Salsa

photos by DMG

Heat Olive Oil in large pan.
Saute Onions, garlic, peppers
for two minutes.
Add tomatoes, including juices
running off cutting board.
Simmer 15 minutes, uncovered.

Meanwhile . . .

Mix tomato sauce, cumin, paprika
vinegar salt and Cayenne in bowl.

Then . . .

Add to pan, simmer 10 minutes.

       Remove from heat and add lime juice, cilantro, cool.
       *Cooling in a container helps bring out the flavor.


      Total time: 30 minutes
      Book:  Christine Schutt
      Drink:  Aqua, with lime

Lydia Lunchless

There is a story here.  We decided to forgo cable for Netflixs and the 20 odd channels you can get for free on basic television.  One day, while watching PBS we came across a balding Italian Chef named Lydia.  Apparently this is the same Lydia of my former hometown Lydia's Kansas City Italian restaurant.   She was making delicious meals with ridiculous amounts of wine.  The thing is-- she didn't give out any of the measurements of anything.

Here's what I think happened.  First, Lydia is actually very small so the proportions looked very big in relation to her tiny frame.  Second, the meal calls for a flat-iron steak; which, not going to an actual butcher, I could only find in a pound and a half.  Third, I think the pan she used was deeper and less wide than my dutch oven, so I ended up with about two gallons of sauce to cover a shrinking pound of meat.  None the less, this recipe rocks.

photos by DMG

What you Need:

2-3 lb. Flat Iron Steak
Olive Oil
3 Garlic gloves, crushed
1 1/2 Onions, chopped
1/8 C Rosemary and Sage, chopped
Flour

Sauce:
2 C Red Wine, Dry
3 C Chicken stock
1/2 C Pine nuts
2 C Tomatoes, crushed

* Flat Iron is the shoulder of a cow



Italian Flat Iron Steak and Red Wine Sauce

Put liberal amount of Olive oil in deep pan
over medium-high heat.

Add Garlic, Onion, Rosemary and Sage
Cook for 3 minutes.

Flour both sides of Steak.

Push onion mixture to one side and brown
steak on both sides (see picture).

 Once browned; thus sealing in juices, add Wine and      Stock.
 Cook 30 minutes.

  Remove liquid into large bowl and puree pine nuts into         sauce in batches.




Return puree to pan with meat and add 2 cups crushed tomatoes  Simmer, covered for 2-3 hours.


*This really is a delectable meal.  We'll probably use the left over sauce to cook up some carrots and potatoes.

Total Time: 3 hours
Music: Soul Coughing
Drink:  Petite Sirah

Greens, Man

We all know--we do-- that dinner should constitute the lowest intake of calories of any meal throughout the day.  Picture a equilateral triangle and the tiny head up top would be dinner.  If I was at all savvy with graphics I would flip the triangle upside down and make a smarmy comment about the occasional pyramidal American body shape, but I'm not here to judge.  I like food and so should you. 

Anyway, about once a week I try to eat a small meal for dinner.  This week I failed and added some meat, thus regulating the greens to the side. 

What You Need:

About 19 oz. baby spinach
1/3 C. golden raisins
2 garlic cloves, minced
4 teaspoons pine nuts

Spices, Oils, Etc:

Salt and Pepper, pinch
1 tsp. Olive Oil
1/2 C boiling water
2 Tbsp. boiling water



Spinach with Pine Nuts and Golden Raisins

photos by DMG

Combine 1/2 C boiling water with golden
raisins.  Soak for 15 minutes.

Toast pine nuts in small pan.  Watch them.

Combine Spinach and 2 Tbsp water.  Cook
for three minutes, stirring until wilted.
Remove from pan.

Heat oil in pan.  Add garlic; cook 30 seconds,
stirring. Add spinach, raisins, salt and pepper.
Cook for 1 minute.  Remove and sprinkle with
pine nuts.

*  The raisins and pine nuts tie this meal together.
*  Also, I rubbed the pork with some Graham Marsala.

Total Time:  20 minutes
Drink:  Scotch
Movie:  Giant

Eggplant Goddamn

The first time I ever ordered fish I was 19.  The five word story is I ate the skin.  It did not fulfill my maturation in any regard.  I felt the same way about eggplant as I did about about salmon for too long of a time. Ten years later with a dozen or more ignoble attempts I realized: 1) the nightshade makes a poor side; 2) there is a broad line between cooking the hell out of it and slurm; 3) the waiter should have said something.  So this is a good curry for the dark plant.  The skin is softened and lacks the shark skin taffy. 

Thanks to everyone who has ventured into the tar pits of the blogosphere.  It seems archaic, like writing with a stick in the mud. 

*Cook the rice first.  Seriously, I am not trying to be coquettish.

What You Need:
Rice, cooked
1 onion, chopped
1 Eggplant, quartered and sliced
1 sweet potato, cubed
2-4 Tbsp green curry paste
14 oz can coconut milk
1  C vegetable stock
1 Tbsp oil
Additional
2 tsp brown sugar
2 Tbsp lime juice
2 tsp lime rind


* If you look closely at the picture you will see red curry paste instead of green.
Stick with green, trust me

Green Curry with Sweet Potato and Eggplant

Heat oil in wok or large frying pan.
Add onion and curry paste--the more the better
Cook, stirring, over medium heat 3 minutes

Add Eggplant, cook 5 minutes

Pour in coconut milk and stock- bring to boil;
then simmer 5 minutes.

Add sweet potato, cook 10 minutes until tender

Stir in brown sugar, lime juice and rind.
Season with salt to taste and serve over rice.

*Don't over do it with the lime juice or it will taste like vomit--fer reals.


Total Time: about 30 minutes, not counting rice
Drink:  Water, Iced
Music:  Calexico

Sofa King Hungry

I guess one could call them the dog days of summer.  I've noticed a malaise hanging around the faces of people I see and even in my own in the mirror.  I think it has to do with the breaking of winter and excitement of Spring.  Like merry animals the thawing of the frost gives way to us a sunny partakement and indulgement.  The end of summer still but a month off, it is perfectly okay to grow weary of such festivities from time to time.  Anyway, screw it--lets grill.

Any good barbecue requires marination.  Knowing this, marination still bites me in the ass every time.  So let it be said off the bat--this requires an hour of marination.  Don't forget to soak the skewers in water to prevent burning.

What you Need:
Bamboo skewers
1 lb. turkey tenderloin, steak or cutlets, cut
into 1" pieces
1 small zucchini, cut in 3/4" slices
1 small yellow squash, cut likewise
1 medium red bell pepper, cut in 1" squares
10 small mushrooms
12 cubes pineapple

Marinade
1 tsp. grated ginger and minced garlic
1/2 C. red wine vinegar
1/2 cup plum sauce
2 tsp. soy sauce

Maui Turkey Kabobs

photos by DMG

To make marinade:
Combine vinegar, plum sauce, soy sauce,
ginger and garlic.

* Important !!! You will be splitting      marinade between veggies and turkey.

Place prepared turkey and veggies in separate
zip-lock bags and divide marinade between the two.

Marinate in fridge for one hour.
* Reserve Veggie marinade.

Then . . .

Pretty straight forward.

Grill skewers for five minutes, then marinate with veggie reserve.  Grill additional 3-5 minutes until done.

Total time: 120 minutes
Drink: Tea, Iced
Movie: Mysteries of Pittsburgh

This is the One

Seriously.  For reals.  I wish I could put a platinum stamp of approval on every meal I cook.  But the reality is most of the recipes I try are first-time, one-off shots into the great culinary abyss. Many meals cooked will return to wince they came and only be rediscovered again by accident, and then be received by a shrug or "Damn, I think I've had this before."

I've cooked this meal once a year, five years running.  It is a glorious day when my tomato plant groans from the weight of her rudy children and all of the sudden I am awash in ruby wealth.  This is a perfect recipe to deal with the sudden crop of too many tomatoes.   Like I said--this is insane.

What you Need:

4-5 Tomatoes, sliced
3 1/2 oz goat cheese
1 egg yoke with a drop of milk
3 Tbsp. breadcrumbs
2 Tbsp. basil leaves, shredded
1 Tbsp. olive oil

Crust
1 1/2 C flour
3 Tbsp. cheddar, shredded
3 1/2 oz cold butter, diced
Salt and Pepper


Tomato and Goat Cheese Pie

Crust
Process flour and butter in food processor until crumbly.

Add Cheddar, 1/2 tsp. salt and 2 1/2 Tbsp. H20
Process again in short bursts until dough just comes together.

Turn mixture onto flour surface and form into a ball.  Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 20 minutes.




Then . . .

photos by DMG

Preheat oven to 350.
Roll out dough on lightly floured surface and make
a crust about 14" in diameter.
Brush most of egg yoke onto crust

*Right now would be a good time to move the
crust to a Pizza stone or greased tray

Sprinkle crust with breadcrumbs.
Layer tomato slices in an overlapping circle,
leaving a wide border.
Crumble goat cheese over tomatoes.

Turn up edge of pastry and brush with remaining
egg yoke.
Bake 30-40 minutes, until golden and cheese is melted.
Then dribble with olive oil and garnish with
basil and pinch of pepper for color.

There you have it.

Total Time
40 minutes
Drink
Agua
Music
Wugazi

Psycho Chicken- Qu'est-ce que

You may remember the movie Julie and Julia.  I'm sure it brought hope to many a blogger that all the writing they hammer and photos they snap will one day be turned into cinematic silver.  Well, I have no desire to share my personal whimsy with the world.  However, the film also brought two good things into my world.  One: I saw Julie and Julia with my friend Julia.  So it is indelibly in my mind.  Two: It unleashed The Art of French Cooking by Julia Childs back on the market with a 30% off the cover price sticker. 



photos by DMG

From what I gather from French cooking it involves copious amounts of butter and entails the use of a multitude of steps and cooking devices.  I don't have a broiler with a medium setting so I Americanized this one a bit.

What you Need:

2 1/2 lb. chicken breast
4 Tbsp. butter, melted in saucepan
3 C. bread crumbs
3 Tbsp. shallots, minced

Herbs, Oils, Etc.
Salt and Pepper, pinch
2 Tbsp. oil
6 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1/2 tsp. basil or thyme
Cayenne Pepper, pinch

Poulets Grilles A La Diable

*Important!!! Keep the fat on the chicken for authentic French cuisine

Melt butter in saucepan, add oil

Dry chicken, paint it with butter and oil                    

Place on broiling pan, five to six inches from flame

and broil until very lightly browned

* Saute every five minutes with mixture

* Should time to about 8 minutes per side (keep and eye on it)

Remove and salt lightly, retain melted fat

Meanwhile . . .

Blend mustard, shallots, herbs and

seasonings

Drop by drop, beat in half of basting fat

until mixture becomes mayonnaise-like                               

Reserve remaining fat for later 
Paint chicken with mustard mixture                      * I added a dollop of mustard to use as a dip.

Roll or pat breadcrumbs onto chicken

Then . . .

Place chicken back on broiler pan

dribble half basting fat over them

Broiler  8-10 minutes per side

(keep an eye on it)

Baste with remaining fat after turn

Mangez-le vous tromper américain!

Like I said, this is a multi-step meal heavy on the butter and fat.  We have a few French friends and they told us the secret to all this decadent cooking and slim waistlines is leaving the sauce and gravy on the plate.  It is apparently poor form to soak anything up with bread.  This recipe originally called for two 2 1/2 lb. broiler chickens.  If you desire to have a larger meal, add 2 Tbsp. butter.  You can also use real homemade breadcrumbs. 

Total Time

30 minutes

Drink

Penn Pilsner

Music

The Decemberist

Teach a Man to Fish and He'll Die of Mercury Poisoning

First, I'd like to say Hallo to whoever is in Germany and checked out my premier post. Danke.

When cooking for two, normally, I will make the full 4-6 servings so we can eat the remainder for lunch the following day.  However, I do not eat left-over fish.  Never.  I'm a single-issue voter when it comes to nuking fish.  It is etched into my soul.  If I live to be old and I am AARPing it up; lacking all forms of lucidity, my care-giver will think I love fish.  "It's all he ever talks about--fish."  They'll put a fish on my urn.  Jesus, this kind of spoiled living drove Kierkegaard's hand.

So, this recipe is cut in half.  I like to cook fish about every other week or so.  Usually I bake or grill and serve with rice.  This recipe calls for pan frying which makes it easy.  All you have do is loosely time it, flip until opaque.

Tilapia lacks flavor. It is an African fish whose etymology goes back to Tswana.  Tilapia literally translates to "fish."  It takes the lime juice well. 

What You'll Need:

2 Tilapia Filets
1 red bell-pepper, thinly sliced
1 medium onion, thinly sliced
10 or so pitted green olives


Oils, Herbs, etc.

1/4 C. parsley
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 Tbsp. lime juice
Salt and Pepper



Tilapia with Peppers and Green Olives

Photos by DMG

Heat 1 Tbsp. olive oil in skillet over medium-high heat.

Season fish with pinch of salt and pepper and cook 4-5 minutes per side until done.

Meanwhile . . . .

Heat 1 Tbsp. olive oil in second skillet over medium-high heat.  Cook peppers and onion 8 - 10 minutes, until tender.

Stir in olives, parsley and lime juice.  Season with pinch of salt and pepper.

The green olives really pull the lime and fish together.  I couldn't eat all of it so I'll have a container of 21st century judgment and guilt in the fridge for a week or so.  Spoiled living--bastard.

Total Time
20 minutes
Drink
Green Olive Martini
Music
The Clash

Oh What the Hell? Tofu!

Why did the inaugural recipe have to be tofu? On top of the innocuous bean, ginger is added as well.  What a double kisser.  Ginger is quite a spice with a sharp flavor. It works really well with beef in Chinese meals.  In this meal it comes off a bit dry and soy sauce was needed to cut it.

I am not a vegetarian and this is not a vegetarian site. You've heard the question before: "Chicken, beef, seafood or vegetarian?"  I always choose vegetarian because you can eat a different meal every day for 365 days.  Now, I don't have fussy kids or a red-neck spouse to harp on me for trying tofu every now and then, but my wife is not a fan of the curd so I've found I have to go out of my way to really cook it so its texture is more firm.  This recipe sears the tofu in a pan and gives it a nice outer shell and flavor. 

photos by DMG

What you need:

Rice
1 pound extra firm tofu
1 Tbsp. bottled minced garlic
1 large Red Pepper, thinly sliced
1 Tbsp. sesame seeds
1 cup sliced green onions

Spices
Salt and Pepper
1 Tbsp. bottled ground ginger

Oils
1 Tbsp. sesame oil
2 Tbsp. rice vinegar
1 Tbsp. soy sauce
Cooking spray

Seared Tofu with Gingered Garlic
Important!!!   Cook the damn rice first.  Seriously, start it right now.

Place tofu on a clean towel for 10 minutes
to drain the liquid from it.  Then cut into
1" squares.

Heat 2 teaspoon sesame oil in medium
pan over medium heat. Add garlic, ginger
and red peppers. Saute 3 minutes.

Stir in 3/4 of green onions, vinegar and
soy sauce; cook 30 seconds.  Remove from
from pan.

Clean pan, spray with cooking spray.
Sprinkle salt and pepper over tofu and
add to pan.  Cook on all sides until nice and
golden.  Flip them like an omelet and don't
worry about searing every side.

Once brown, add bell pepper mixture and heat through, drizzle 1 teaspoon sesame oil over top.  Serve over rice, then sprinkle with sesame seed and green onions. 

* We added a touch of soy sauce to the final product for a shot of moisture.  Don't over do it with the sauce and don't let your guest do it either.  You should probably just do it for them or they'll just screw up the meal you just cooked for them.  In fact, tell them: "You just got served."

Total Time
Less than 30 minutes not counting damned rice

Music
The EELS

Drink
Rivertowne Babbling Blonde